********************************
SUBS ARE DUE !!
*****************************************************************************************
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT WHEN MR CADBURY MET MISS ROWNTREE ON A DOUBLE DECKER ?
IT WAS JUST AFTER EIGHT
THEY GOT OFF AT QUALITY STREET
HE ASKED HER NAME.."POLO, I`M THE ONE WITH THE HOLE" SHE SAID IN A WISPA
"AND I`M MARATHON, THE ONE WITH THE NUTS" HE REPLIED.
HE TOUCHED HER CREAM EGGS, WHICH WAS A KINDER SURPRISE FOR HER
THEN HE SLIPPED HIS HAND INTO HER SNICKERS, WHICH MADE HER RIPPLE
HER EVEN FONDLED HER JELLY BABIES, SO SHE RUBBED HIS TIC TACS
SOON THEY WERE HEART THROBS
IT WAS A FAB MOMENT AS SHE SCREAMED IN TURKISH DELIGHT
BUT, 3 DAYS LATER, HIS SHERBET DIP DAB STARTED TO ITCH
TURNS OUT MISS ROWNTREE HAD BEEN WITH BERTIE BASSETT AND HE HAD ALLSORTS
*********************************************************
SUPPORT GROUP
CATSHILL CLUB ARE VERY LUCKY TO HAVE A
HARD WORKING BUNCH OF LADIES, QUIETLY
BEAVERING AWAY IN THE BACKGROUND TO
HELP BOTH THE CLUB, GENERALLY, AND THE
COMMITTEE SPECIFICALLY. ONE OF THEIR
PRIORITIES BEING THE REPAIR OF THE ROOF.
SO FAR THEY ARE ON TARGET TO RAISING THE
REQUIRED £10,000.
****************************************
HUMOUR......................... BUT NOT SO P C
LAST NIGHT I REACHED FOR MY LIQUID VIAGRA, BUT ACCIDENTALLY SWIGGED FROM THE TIPPEX BOTTLE.
I WOKE THIS MORNING TO FIND I HAD A HUGE CORRECTION.
*****************************************************
MY WOMAN SAID SHE WAS LEAVING ME DUE TO MY OBSESSION WITH THE 60`S GROUP, THE MONKEES.
I THOUGHT SHE WAS JOKING,AND THEN I SAW HER FACE
*****************************************************
MY BUDGIE BROKE HIS LEG TODAY SO I MADE HIM A LITTLE SPLINT OUT OF A COUPLE OF SWAN VESTA`S, AND HIS LITTLE FACE LIT UP WHEN HE TRIED TO WALK. UNFORTUNATELY, I FORGOT TO REMOVE THE SANDPAPER FROM THE BOTTOM OF HIS CAGE.
*******************************************************
IN AN INDIAN RESTAURANT, LAST NIGHT, HAVING A MEAL; WAITER COMES OVER AND SAYS "CURRY OK ?"...TO WHICH I REPLIED " GO ON THEN, JUST ONE SONG THEN SOD OFF"
*****************************************************
LATER, STILL IN THAT RESTAURANT, I GOT HIT ON THE BACK OF THE HEAD BY A PRAWN COCKTAIL. LOOKING ROUND THIS BLOKE SHOUTS " AND THATS JUST FOR STARTERS"
*****************************************************
NOT EVERY FLOWER CAN SAY, LOVE BUT A ROSE CAN
NOT EVERY FLOWER CAN SURVIVE THIRST, BUT A CACTUS CAN
NOT EVERY VEGETABLE CAN READ, BUT BLESS, LOOK AT YOU HAVING A GO
*******************************************************
LAST NIGHT I WAS SITTING ON THE SOFA WATCHING T V WHEN I HEARD MY WIFE`S VOICE FROM THE KITCHEN "WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE FOR YOUR DINNER, MY LOVE, CHICKEN, BEEF OR LAMB ? "
i SAID, " THANK YOU, I`LL HAVE THE CHICKEN, PLEASE "
SHE REPLIED, " YOU`RE HAVING SOUP, YOU FAT TWONK, I WAS TALKING TO THE DOG "
*******************************************************
GOT SACKED FROM THE SALVATION ARMY SOUP KITCHEN YESTERDAY; UNGRATEFUL LOT, ALL I SAID WAS " HURRY UP FOR GOODNESS SAKE, SOME OF US HAVE GOT A HOME TO GO TO "
*****************************************************
OUR CLUB IS FULL OF PROSE...SO, HERES ANOTHER
OUR CLUB
ITS BEEN A HUNDRED YEARS, THEN MORE
SINCE THE CLUB FIRST OPENED ITS DOOR
WHAT COULD BE SAID, WHAT WOULD UNFOLD
IF ALL THOSE STORIES COULD BE TOLD
FROM READING ROOM TO A SOCIAL CLUB
THE CENTRE OF THE VILLAGE, INFACT THE HUB
ITS SEEN SUCH CHANGE, YOU CANT BELIEVE
HOW INTERLINKED, HOW DEEP THE WEAVE
THOSE DRUNKEN NIGHTS, WITH GAMES TO WIN
LOSINGS NO OPTION, NOW THATS A SIN
SNOOKER AND DARTS, ITS BRAGGING RIGHTS
EVEN IF IT MEANS, OCCASSIONAL FIGHTS
THERES POOL AND CRIB, AND SO MUCH MORE
EVERYTHING HANGS ON THAT FINAL SCORE
WHATEVER THE GAME, ITS RESULTS THAT MATTER
CANT LOSE OUT, AS DREAMS WOULD SHATTER
IN THE CONCERT ROOM, GET OFF YOUR SEAT
LIVE MUSIC, DANCING , SO TAP THOSE FEET
THERES ROCK, THERES SOUL, AND MELODIES TOO
SO TWIST AND BOP ALL THE NIGHT THROUGH
....................................................theres more, perhaps next visit ?